Journey Through the Great Sadness

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I last wrote. I thought I would need to write more often, but, to be honest, I’ve been feeling great. I honestly thought I would write when I was feeling good in the hopes that I’d be able to allow for deeper introspection. But, I got to the point where I was writing only when I was feeling depressed. And that only made me feel worse. Since the 7th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I have felt great and haven’t struggled with any issues.

I find it odd that I have been feeling so great though. It’s not like I have been avoiding the issue. In fact, it’s quite in my face lately. I started a book and have been faced with my own trauma as well as others a lot lately. The book will be a compilation of stories from people who have been through a trauma, been diagnosed with PTSD, and then found a place of healing through their faith walk and through therapy. The purpose is to bring hope to others who have been through a traumatic event and haven’t found hope in their current situation.

It’s been a fascinating journey so far, and I am so honored to be able to write these stories. I just hope I do them justice! In my work on this book, I have been able to tell my story to a variety of people. Talking really is cathartic! It’s also been helpful to me to remember that I’m not alone in my struggle with PTSD. Hopefully others will find that same sentiment through the book.

I had the pleasure of speaking to the Carmel United Methodist Church a few weeks ago and shared my story. It was difficult, and I did have a few moments of flashbacks. But, it was also good because others were encouraged – or so they said! A few were profoundly impacted, and I am honored God was able to use me. And I want Him to continue to use me! No matter how difficult it becomes, His name be glorified!

If I have struggled with anything, it’s in a situation that came up a few days before the anniversary. I was already struggling a bit with some anxiety and grief. I had a meeting with a dear friend over some other writing opportunities he and I were exploring. In the course of our conversations, he divulged that he doesn’t believe the 9/11 attacks were caused by terrorists. He is a believer of the many conspiracy theories that float around. I did my best to share my own experiences with him so he could see it from an eye-witness account; and to see that there is no possible way our government was behind these horrendous acts of terror. He encouraged me to “prove” to him that he was wrong, and I am right.

I left the meeting in tears – a complete basket case. I knew they (conspiracy theorists) were out there but never thought I’d meet one. And I certainly didn’t ever think one of them would be someone I consider a friend. Thankfully, Bill Blew, a close friend and business associate (and Christian conciliator) came to the rescue and helped our mutual friend understand how his words were dangerous, especially for me. Our relationship was healed, thankfully. He remains a dear friend and always will be. Whether I have changed his mind or not, I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I know what I went through. I know the evidence presented, the research proved, and that I need to move on. And I can’t be responsible for other people’s beliefs. I just know that I need to honor God with my words and deeds, which brings me back to the book.

It is incumbent upon me to give people the hope that comes through the saving grace of Jesus Christ. And that can’t happen when I place false judgment on our government (whom God appointed) or on anyone else.

And so, I move on with the book. I hurt for people who have been through their own traumatic experiences and hope their participation will allow for additional healing for them and for those who will read the book.