Journey Through the Great Sadness

It all started with weapons of mass destruction. It was a project I was hired to work on by the production arm of CBN News, WAVG. The month-long project had me working as a correspondent for a training video for upper-level members of the Pentagon about the effects of WMD. I thoroughly enjoyed the work I did, interviewing a variety of experts and military personnel who train for terrorist attacks that involve WMD.

I never really thought much about any of it. I mean, what were the chances we were going to face a terror attack? The project concluded just a couple of weeks before 9/11.

And as I watched the events unfold in New York on 9/11, I still didn’t think about WMD or even terrorism until the second plane struck. When the Pentagon was struck, I froze in my own skin. My first reaction was, “What’s on that plane? What else is going to happen?”

I wasn’t about to leave the safety of the building in which I stood to find out for myself. I stayed in the building for four hours before I finally got up the nerve to leave. I knew what could happen to the human body if it were exposed to anthrax, small pox, and other things most people never even think about.

And then I happen to be in the Hart Senate Office Building when former Senator Dachle’s aide unwittingly opened a letter tainted with anthrax. I did get sick and was rushed to the hospital to be tested for exposure of the deadly powder.

As if the events of that day weren’t bad enough, I felt like I had inside information. In some ways, I still feel that way. My husband and I just purchased tickets to the Indianapolis 500 later this month. As much as I love racing and as much as I really want to go to this race (and every race), I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of a terror attack. Indeed, the 500 is a huge event with thousands upon thousands of people in attendance. It could happen just as it could happen at a baseball game, the Super Bowl, or the Mall of America.

People often tell me to not think about it. “You can’t live your life in fear,” they say. And of course, they’re right. But, they don’t have the inside information that I have. They don’t have the memories of seeing photos showing bodies ravaged and destroyed by various WMD including small pox. I certainly don’t try to keep those things at the forefront of my thinking, but it’s always there. And I’m not entirely sure I’ll feel entirely safe when I’m at that race or at the NASCAR All Star race in Charlotte next weekend.

A wonderful working opportunity turned into one of my greatest fears. It all started with weapons of mass destruction.