Journey Through the Great Sadness

I just finished reading the most amazing book, “The Shack” by William P. Young. A dear friend let me borrow it, and I am eternally grateful. But the book stung; deeply. It reminded me that I am still in a state of what I now call The Great Sadness.

The Great Sadness began for me on 9/11/01. I was across the street from the Pentagon when it was struck by terrorists. Working as a journalist, I covered the event from various angles, including a trip to New York a couple of weeks after the attack. It was a busy, chaotic time. We journalists didn’t have time to grieve, worry, fear, or think about what had just happened or what we saw in the process of telling the rest of the world about it. And when the dust settled, no one wanted to talk about it. So, I didn’t.

I left Washington, DC and came to Indianapolis to escape the town with a Bulls Eye on it. I wanted out of news but I knew I wanted to continue to write. So my journalism career turned from TV to print; from news to sports.

Many of the details will get filled in through this blog but I ultimately met and married my husband nearly four years ago. Not long after our marriage began, I was diagnosed with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder after a suicide attempt. The Great Sadness had not become clear to me yet; I didn’t understand what it was. I just knew it was there.

After reading the book, “The Shack,” I began to recognize that I still carried The Great Sadness, as one of the characters in the book describes. The book also left me longing to have the type of intimate relationship this character had with Papa, our Lord and Savior. I can’t even begin to describe the hunger and thirst I have for Him after reading this book. I wish I had an opportunity to hole up in a shack and meet Him face to face too.

Until then, I know I have to continue the healing process. Right now, there is such tremendous grief. It is impossible to describe or explain. But it is as strong as if it had just happened. And so, I do what I do best: Write.

Perhaps healing will come. Perhaps the Great Sadness will lift. Perhaps others will find hope and healing from their Great Sadness.

Until next time…